Halloween is only a few weeks away, and what better way to get in the holiday spirit than some good old-fashioned Halloween jokes? Check out some of our favorites below and make sure you keep a few in the back of your head to share with your friends on Halloween night!

Fun fact: If you live in St. Louis, this post may just save your night of trick-or-treating! For those who don’t know, trick-or-treaters in St. Louis don’t say “trick-or-treat!” to get candy… They need to earn it by telling a joke! So without further ado… This one’s for you, St. Louis.

Why is it so hard for vampires to make friends?

Because they’re always a pain in the neck!

What do you give a bruised pumpkin to make them feel better?

A pumpkin patch!

What’s something you can do to both get in shape and also get rid of a demon?


Why did the vampire go see the doctor?

He couldn’t stop coffin!

What is a zombie’s favorite cereal?

Brain Flakes!

Why didn’t the ghost go to the dance?

He didn’t have any BODY to go with!

Alternate Version: Who did the ghost bring to the dance?

His ghoul-friend!

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?


What do you call a monster who picks his nose?

The Boogeyman!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting Ghost.

Interrupting G—


What does a skeleton order at the bar?

A drink and a mop!

What room will you never find in a haunted house?

A living room!

What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?


How much does a bag of bones weigh?

A skele-ton!

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?

It raises their spirits!

What do vampires and vegetarians have in common?

They don’t like stakes.

What do you call two witches living together?


Why was the vampire in such a good mood after drinking blood?

It was Type B Positive!

What makes a skeleton laugh?

Tickling his funny bone!

What’s a zombie’s favorite cold treat?

A brain freeze!

Why didn’t the skeleton want to go in the haunted house?

He didn’t have the guts!

Now we know a lot of these jokes were corny (or perhaps, candy corny?), but they’ll do the trick (or treat) to get you your candy on Halloween night! If you think you’ve got the best Halloween joke around, send it our way at spiritblog@spirithalloween.com!